Thursday, 5 August 2010

Disorder in the American Courts - too funny!

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you so much to shoot him?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard and moustache.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Hungry Planet - What the world eats

An email was in my mailbox the other day containing a link to the below video. The video shows an analysis of how much money a family spends around the world for food. This is taken from the book called "The Hungry Planet".


Joke - Female dilemma

A chick in a coop was facing a dilemma.

Ten minutes ago, Farmer Bill had thrown in the coop a young rooster he had bought at the city market. The rooster walked cockily around the hens, inspecting his new home. After a few paces the rooster stopped in front of the youngest one, a beautiful white fowl.

As soon as she saw the city rooster in front of her, the chick’s inner thoughts were the following:

"If I stay, he will say I'm a whore. If I run, he will say I'm stupid. So I'd better run and trip."

Creationism vs. Evolution

This debate goes on and on for many, many years. You may remember from school the famous questions Albert Camus’s been asking himself: Where Do We Come From? What Are We? Where Are We Going?

During the 1800s and up until the mid-1900s, Creationism was widely accepted and was considered a foundational truth. Then Darwin came with his Theory of Evolution and set the foundations of a new debate. I wonder how long this one will last, considering that the “World is Flat” vs “the World is Round” one had followers even in the 20th century (yes 20th century - In 1956, Samuel Shenton set up the Flat Earth Society with the primary aim to reach children and convince them the Earth was Flat before they were convinced about a spherical earth – crazy, if you’d ask me- and he really got famous for a time, but the Moon landing was not very good on his career).

Watch this Family guy video, it’s hilarious.